


This is Your Badness Level

by Ariana Deralte (ArianaDeralte), ArianaDeralte



Category: Lilo & Stitch (2002), Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, Thor (2011)
Genre: Crack, Disney fusion, Fury is not amused, Gen, Hawaii, Jotun are people too, Kitty!Loki, Loki is troubled, Namor appears, cameos for everyone, cosmic cubes will f--k your sh-t up, giant frogs, hugs for all, kid!Thor, kid!Tony, kid!loki, many fish died to bring you this fic, o'hana, this is your badness level
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-01
Updated: 2012-08-15
Packaged: 2017-11-08 23:22:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/448695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArianaDeralte/pseuds/Ariana%20Deralte, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArianaDeralte/pseuds/ArianaDeralte
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Thor/Avengers/Lilo & Stich fusion with Loki as Stich and young Tony as Lilo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All timelines have been seriously compromised and/or disregarded in order to make this fic work. Everyone still has or will have their powers. I’ve kept mostly to the movieverse, but occasional references to the comicsverse and/or Norse myth have crept in. Unbetaed.

                It had been millennia since the halls of Asgard saw such a gathering of peoples. Leaders, great and small from across the nine realms stood shoulder to shoulder, jostling to see the tiny figure chained and muzzled in the center of the hall. His skin was blue, and his size put a heavy irony on the term ‘frost giant’, but the truly astonishing thing was the criminal’s age; he was only several decades old which made him about 5 or 6 as Midgardians reckoned it.

                “Loki Laufeyson,” said Odin, and a murmur went through the room at the name the All-Father had chosen. “You stand accused and convicted of numerous crimes: the murder of Laufey, king of the Jotunheim-”

                “We’re okay with that, actually,” called out Helblindi, first son of Laufey. He was thicker than most Jotuns, with a slight paunch that suggested he’d been eating too many snow cones. The elf next to Helblindi stared at him, scandalized by the admission. Helblindi saw her look, and shrugged. “The kid’s clearly gone insane, but he’d have been expected to kill Laufey if he wanted the throne anyway. How else would he prove his power? We weren’t going to take such a tiny, fluffy kid seriously without a serious display of worth.”

                “Worth!” said Odin. “He melted Laufey’s skull! He laid so many traps along the bifrost we are still discovering them now. He raised the ghosts of the dead to torment the living. He rained fire and ice across the nine realms!” Helblindi looked confused as to Odin’s point. Loki’s sniggering was loud in the quiet hall.

                “Loki,” said Odin, “my son…”

                Loki rolled his purple eyes. They had been green several weeks before, and underneath that they had been the normal Jotun red by all accounts. But Loki’s true heritage had been revealed by cruel accident on his seventieth birthday and things had gotten worse from there. The All-Father had not released the full story, but it was known that the boy had absorbed the power of Asgard’s cosmic cube, and gone mad (as if the rains of lizards and candy interspersed with deadly fire and ice weren’t the first clue).

                “All-Father, the cube was used for war for millennia. All Loki knows now is destruction,” said Heimdall.

                “Perhaps there is still something inside him that is good,” suggested Queen Frigga. Her distress was evident to all. “Loki, show us that you are still in there.” Loki didn’t meet her pleading eyes, but his hands raised in a gesture so obscene it had started wars on five of the nine realms. Gasps of outrage filled the hall.

                “Enough,” said Odin. “Loki Laufeyson, your powers are to be drained as much as possible, and you will be imprisoned at the far edges of the universe for all eternity. “ His proclamation was met with cheers by all but his wife. “Guards, take him away.”

                Loki let himself be led away, which should have been Asgard’s first clue, but the elite of the realms were celebrating, and Odin had to deal with Frigga, so only Heimdall frowned, his unique eyes allowing him to see the terrifying smirk Loki wore beneath his muzzle. Heimdell decided to ignore it. Loki was clever yes, but he was still a child. Surely the combined might of the nine realms could contain him.

 

+++++++++

 

                It was a dwarven automaton that restrained Loki. It had two silver heads which shot out fire hot enough to melt steel. They were programed to aim for Loki’s magic. It was only later, after having watched Loki disappear through a jump-started bifrost, and surveyed the melting slag that was once Loki’s cell, that Heimdall realized how stupid it was to program an automaton to follow the magic of someone who could create perfect replicas of themselves.

                “Where did he go, Gatekeeper?” asked Odin.

                “Midgard.”

                “Someone must retrieve him, but the humans are a protected species.” It had been decided amongst the nine realms to leave Midgard alone for some millennium in order to allow them to build up their population since the last war they fought there had nearly reduced the humans to extinction. Heimdall still missed saber tooth tigers.

                “Loki has a brother,” said Heimdall.

                Odin stood for a long moment, his gaze transfixed by the falls beneath the bifrost. “He has more than one.” He turned and strode away.

 

+++++++++

 

               Steve rushed through their small town as fast as his enhanced legs would carry him, even vaulting a car at one point. He bounded up the rickety porch steps and pushed his key into the lock. “Please God,” he murmured before turning the key. It snapped off. ACDC began blaring from inside the house, shaking the nearby window pane. Steve was relieved to know Tony was home, but on the other hand, he just might wring the boy’s neck. Did he understand how important today was? Hadn’t Steve explained that he was being watched by social services? Did Tony want to be taken away? Part of Steve thought this might be exactly the case. He had just been one of Tony’s honorary uncles before Howard died. When Howard named Steve as the sole guardian to his legacy, Anthony Stark, the whole world had been shocked. Steve had been flattered, though it was rather typical of Howard to think that raising a child wouldn’t cost anything. The company was in Obadaiah’s hands until Tony came of age, but until then it was up to Steve to support the child genius. He had been living in Hawaii at the time, making the back pay from the time when he was missing for five years stretch, but with the introduction of Tony, his life had gotten a lot crazier and the money went so fast.

                “Tony! Open the door!” he shouted, trying to be heard over the music. He could break the door in, but he wouldn’t have the money to fix it for a few days, and how would it look if social services came to see a door torn off the hinges? Last time, Tony had glued the door shut. This time - he poked his head through the cat flap – it looked like it was welded shut, though how that was possible, Steve had no idea.

                He pulled his head back out, resigned to not using his front door for a while, but was brought up short by a pointed throat clearing above his head. Standing on the porch was a man in sunglasses and a black leather trench coat which had to be stifling in Hawaii, but Steve had to admit the look suited him. Rough scars ran across the man’s left eye and Steve did a double take when he realized there was an eye patch under the sunglasses. “Mr. Rogers. We were supposed to meet at 4 o’clock? I do hope that Tony is not alone in that house.”

                “Uh, no, I just stepped out for some fresh air and Tony locked the door behind me as a joke. He does that.” Steve cringed mentally, but managed to keep a straight face. Six months of raising Tony and he’d gotten a lot better at lying.

                “And I suppose ‘fresh air’ for you means running across town and jumping over my car?”

                “It was a really fast run?” offered Steve. The social service worker radiated disapproval. “I don’t believe we’ve been introduced yet. Mr.?”

                “Fury.”

                “As in ‘furious’? That’s a strange name for a social worker.” Steve had the feeling he was being given an incredulous look under those sunglasses.

                “I didn’t chose it. Now, are you going to let me in?”

                “One second,” said Steve, and bounded around the side of the house. A quick check revealed the back door was locked, so Steve gave up and broke a window pane on the side of the house, reaching in to open the latch and push the window up before climbing in. The back door wasn’t welded shut thankfully, though Steve jumped a little when he opened it and found Mr. Fury standing right there. “Please come in.”

                They were right off the kitchen which was unfortunate because it was obvious that Tony had used the stove to melt the metal currently covering the front door. Mr. Fury raised an eyebrow as he surveyed the mess.

                Steve opened his mouth to explain, but closed it again, unable to come up with a good lie. “Why don’t I show you the living room while I get Tony from his room?” The music was still blaring from there, but when Steve knocked and opened Tony’s door, all he found was Tony’s computer with a playlist set on infinite loop. He turned it off and headed downstairs after checking Tony’s usual hiding places.

                “Isn’t wearing an eye patch and sunglasses overkill?” he heard Tony ask as he neared the living room. Steve missed Mr. Fury’s reply as he stared at the panorama Tony had laid out on the carpet. A baby doll with a broken head was tied to a piece of cardboard. Ketchup and whip cream were smeared liberally over its stomach. Dummy, Tony’s tiny robot claw which he carried everywhere like a doll, was pretending to devour the baby’s innards, its claw artistically dripping with ketchup.

                “Tony was telling me how the baby’s soul was being devoured,” said Mr. Fury. He had a great poker face, but Steve couldn’t imagine he was thinking good things. Steve stifled a sigh. It wasn’t his fault that he’d discovered that Tony would sleep like a baby after watching a horror movie, but half of Disney’s movies caused him nightmares.

                “He’s got a great imagination,” said Steve.

               “Yes,” said Mr. Fury. He handed Tony a card. “Call me, Mr. Stark, if you’re left here alone again.” He turned to Steve. “I’ll be frank with you, Mr. Rogers. I need to see some improvements around here when I check back in a few days. If I don’t…”

                “Yes, sir,” responded Steve, straightening instinctively. If Mr. Fury hadn’t been in the military before, Steve would eat his flip flops. He watched the man examine the front door for a moment before rapping sharply on one side of it. It popped open and Mr. Fury left, leaving both Steve and Tony staring after the man in slack jawed awe.

                “I think he’s a robot,” said Tony. “Or a cyborg. The eye patch is hiding his laser eye.” He was cleaning the ketchup off of Dummy with his shirt. Seeing that reminded Steve why he was angry.

                “Tony, I told you-”

                That was as far as he got because Tony was out of the room and heading for his own. While the kid was a genius (and possibly an evil one), there was no way his stubby little legs were going to get him to his room before Steve. He caught the door before Tony could slam it, and swept Tony up into his arms before sitting on the bed. Tony stiffened like he always did with physical contact, but gradually relaxed. Steve’s anger faded away, his eye catching the picture pinned above Tony’s pillow. It was a publicity photo, torn from a magazine with Howard seated in a chair talking on a phone while Tony played with a toy car at his feet. Howard wasn’t smiling or even looking at his son in the photo. Steve had privately contacted Jarvis, the Stark’s butler soon after he got Tony and asked for a better photo, but had been told that Mr. Stark hadn’t believed in family portraits.

                “Do you want to stay with me, Tony?”

                “We’re not even related. Howard left me with you because he thought you were the bestest person in the world. You don’t even want me.”

                Steve felt helpless. “You are my family and you are wanted, Tony. I can’t imagine my life without you now, but if you want to go, I will let you.”

                Tony turned and buried his face in Steve’s chest. His next words came out muffled by the fabric. “But I cost you lots of money you can’t afford and I’m always breaking things and getting in trouble.” He paused and only Steve’s enhanced hearing allowed him to catch the rest of Tony’s words. “I set Mr. Banner’s desk on fire today and Dummy bit Rhodey. And then maybe I bit Rhodey, too.”

                “Tony, you can’t bite people, and I sincerely hope that setting the desk on fire was an accident.”

                “Rhodey said Dummy was stupid.”

                “Well, you did name him Dummy.”

                “But only I can say it because he’s my friend.” Tony looked up at him. “And maybe you.”

                “I have seen Dummy take ten minutes trying to figure out how to turn on the TV,” said Steve with a smile. He’d ask Bruce later how the desk had caught on fire. “Tony, I prefer you to any amount of money, and if you want to stay here-”

                “I do.”

                “Then I will fight for you, but we have to present a united front or they will take you away.”

                “I’m sorry.” Tony buried his head against Steve’s chest again.

                “I know. We’ll both have to try to do better. “

                “Do or do not. There is no try,” said Tony solemnly. Steve grinned. “Thanks, Yoda.”

 

+++++++++

 

                Loki was not in his right mind. If anyone had bothered to ask his last sane moment, he would have told them it was before he shape shifted into his Jotun form on his birthday and couldn’t shift back. There was terror and fear after that. His father’s, no, Odin’s face filled with calculation. Hiding for what seemed like forever, then the cube. The cube had devoured him, or Loki had devoured the cube. He couldn’t tell which, and didn’t care because there was no more fear.

                No more worries but chaos and destruction. Though at the moment, he’d settle for knowing where he was. Wasn’t Midgard icier? He shuddered as another disgustingly warm rain drop hit his head. A strange sound made him turn. He spotted a green, slimy looking creature which made the noise again. He hit it with an enlarging spell because it was his favorite color, which meant he only noticed the other strange noise and light of a spell when it was right on top of him. He shifted into his cat form because he was faster on four legs and the night was too dark for him to see where to teleport to. Unfortunately, he forgot the rain. His paws skidded on the ground, and then the spell hit.

 

+++++++++

 

                Steve had waffled about Bucky’s idea all day. On the one hand, pets were good at teaching responsibility and would provide some more unconditional love in Tony’s life. On the other, Tony was five so most of the responsibility would fall to Steve, not to mention he was a little worried about entrusting a living animal into Tony’s care. What if Tony wanted to upgrade it like he had systematically done to every single electrical device in Steve’s house? Sure, the washing machine worked better, but it also made growling noises if you didn’t pet it when you walked by. Pets were expensive too, but maybe he could manage a few more shifts on lifeguard duty if Tony had a pet to play with while he waited. Anything that would stop Tony from dismantling people’s phones while they were swimming was probably a good idea.

                “Do you want a pet, Tony?” he’d asked when Tony’s bus dropped him off, and the enthusiastic “Yes!” he’d been met with had settled the matter.

                Of course, now that they were at the shelter, his worries were back full force. “It needs to be big and strong enough to fight off Dummy,” declared Tony. “Maybe with some sort of armor.”

                “Something that can take care of itself,” confirmed Steve.

                “A dog might chew on your robot,” said the woman behind the counter. Tony tucked Dummy protectively against his chest. Steve would have preferred a dog, but the lady was correct that a cat was a lot less likely to eat Dummy. “The cats are right through there.” She pointed to a side door. “Have a look.”

                Steve chatted with the woman, whose name was Linda, but was soon interrupted by Tony running back in and grabbing his hand. He was dragged down the entire length of the hallway. Something seemed off about the room until he realized that each and every cat in the cages was curled into a tight ball in the corner of their cages. Every cat that is except for the monster Tony had unerringly picked out.

                The cat, and he hesitated to call it that because he was fairly certain most cats didn’t have horns, was the size of a normal cat, but had all the fluff of a young kitten. Its long tail and back were marked with intricate marks that reminded Steve of an ocelot. It was also blue.

                “Are you sure? It’s… blue.”

                “He’s hurt. We have to take him,” said Tony. Sure enough, a bandage was wound around the cat’s tail.

                “All right. Linda! We’d like this cat please.”

                She seemed a little nervous as she approached the cage. “Are you sure? He’s drugged up from having his tail straightened right now, after getting hit by a truck last night. His personality might be very different once the drugs wear off. And those horns are a little odd…”

                Tony shrugged. “I’m sure.” Linda opened the cage, and Tony bundled the cat into his arms after handing Dummy over to Steve for safe keeping.

                “What do you want to name him?” asked Steve since he was filling out the pet license.

                “He said his name is Loki.”

                “Cats don’t talk,” said Steve, feeling a hint of foreboding at the name.

                “He’s a genius cat,” said Tony, a stubborn look on his face. Steve decided it wasn’t worth the argument.

                “Okay, Loki it is. Let’s get him home.”

 

+++++++++

 

                Helblindi and Thor were crouched in the forest outside of the Rogers’ house. It was a bit of a toss up as to which of them stood out more: the frost giant or the young Asgardian prince in full armor with red cape and winged helmet.

                “I know my father said it was true, but are you sure it is my brother we are hunting?” asked Thor. It was a variant of the same question he had asked twice already. After Loki had turned blue on his birthday, Thor had been hustled into the nursery like a baby and kept there no matter how many toys he broke or how loud he shouted. When they finally let him out, it was to tell him that his brother was a Jotun and had been so bad he was being exiled forever. But since Loki had escaped (which wasn’t surprising since Loki was forever sneaking out of the nursery), now Thor and Loki’s _other_ brother were supposed to find him.

                The Rogers chose that moment to arrive at their house. Loki in his cat form (which was modeled after Freya’s magnificent steeds) was in the tall man’s arms, though much more blue than Thor remembered. He must have sensed them too because he suddenly pushed off the man’s chest to land on the porch, hissing at the forest. Helblindi placed one hand against the ground. Thor shuddered as the temperature dropped. The little boy got in front of Loki, peering into the forest, and Thor had to jump to pull down Helblindi’s arm so his ice spear crumbled into mist.

                “Father said we weren’t supposed to kill or harm humans. They are protected,” said Thor.

                “If we follow that rule, the kid is going to keep hiding behind them. We’ll be here forever,” complained Helblindi. “Have you noticed how hot this planet is?”

                In truth, Thor had, though it was the humidity and not the heat that really bothered him; his helmet kept slipping. But Thor had been charged with being a good example for the Jotun prince at his side. “I too wish to end this quest quickly, but if we break the rules we will dishonor our purpose.” Loki appeared in one of the windows of the house, the boy behind him. Loki ignored the child to stare at their hiding place with disdain.

                “You know,” said Helblindi. “He’s adorable in that form. You’d never know he filled father’s head with lava.”

                “What!” said Thor. “I swore to destroy the Jotun first, and he has already killed King Laufey?” Thor pouted.

                Helblindi glanced over at him. “You do realize Loki is Jotun?”

                Thor pouted some more. “Yes, but he’s my brother, so it doesn’t matter.”

                “And what of me? Loki is my brother. Would you destroy me?”

                “No,” Thor said grudgingly. “I guess if you are Loki’s brother than you are mine.”

                “I have a half-brother from the same mother as well.”

                “Him too.”

                “And what of the fact that your father, Odin, is also part Jotun?” asked Helblindi, turning his face away to hide his grin when the tiny Asgardian swore. He would take full advantage of his companion’s ignorance.

                Nearly an hour had passed before Helblindi was satisfied. “Well, little brother, you had better be careful where you swing your weapon when you come to destroy Jotunheim for you are related to at least half of us.”

               “Dammit!” shouted Thor, and kicked a tree. He regretted that he didn’t know any harsher curses. Helblindi laughed. Inside the house, all the lights went off. Loki had left the window in the middle of their discussion.

                “It looks like we should settle in for the night,” Helblindi said. Thor nodded his agreement. “I doubt we’ll be here much longer though. Loki can do nothing but destroy. He won’t be able to resist. Soon he will leave those humans he shelters with and make his way to some metropolis where he will turn their drinking water into blood, give wrong directions, and steal everybody’s electricity.”

                Thor wanted to protest, but it was becoming very clear that he didn’t know this new Loki at all. He sighed and laid out his cloak for sleep. He wished old Loki were here to advise him what to do about new Loki.


	2. Badness Level at 95%

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki gets everyone in trouble. Namor gets angry. The dead return to life. Other than that, nothing much is happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized that I had to split this up into three chapters or else the chapters sizes were going to be really uneven. Never fear, I am writing the last scene of the last chapter as we speak, so the final chapter will be up very soon. Still unbetaed so if you spot any big mistakes let me know.

                Tony had learnt the principles of science from Mr. Banner’s after school science club. So he had come up with a working hypothesis for why his new cat was so weird; the hypothesis was that Loki wasn’t really a cat. He had a list of observations which mostly supported his hypothesis, but since a hypothesis could never really be proven he wasn’t sure what to do. He wanted to ask Mr. Banner, but it was the weekend and he didn’t have science club until Tuesday. There was also the problem that if his hypothesis was true and Loki wasn’t really a cat, what was he?

                Observation 1: When Tony had introduced himself to Loki in the cage and asked his name, the cat had answered, “Loki.”

                Observation 2: According to the internet, Loki was the Norse god of mischief and lies. So far Tony had seen nothing to contradict the accuracy of Loki’s name. Tony was sure that Loki was behind the mysterious disappearance of all toilet paper from the house in the night. Plus the television would only show things Steve didn’t want him to see (Tony wasn’t sure why. It was only naked people), and Tony’s white sheets with cars on them were now black with stars on them. Tony thought they were kinda cool though if you looked at them too long you got dizzy.

                Observation 3: Cats aren’t blue with purple glowing eyes. They don’t have horns. They also don’t spit balls of fire which had melted Tony’s Lego town into a plastic smoking mess last night.

                Observation 4: Loki didn’t like the water, so that was a cat behavior. But walking on top of water for a few seconds before Tony noticed him and he stopped, wasn’t.

                Currently, Tony was dismantling an electronic book reader a tourist had thrown away because the screen had a crack. He was sitting in his customary spot on a towel below the wooden seat Steve did his lifeguarding from. Loki was fussily trying to get sand out of his fur and kept spraying Tony in fine particles of sand.

                “Why don’t you get yourself an ice cream, Tony?” said Steve. He was switching to land duty, his red buoy held in both hands in front of him while Carolyn climbed into the tall wooden chair.

                “Loki needs ice cream to combat his badness level,” said Tony. He turned to Loki who had broken the e-reader in half somehow. “You’re like, 90% badness.” Loki just blinked at him, then took a bite out of the e-reader. “Maybe 95%.”

                “Well, I guess ice cream is cold milk so cats can have it,” said Steve, sounding a little doubtful, but he handed over a five dollar bill. Tony headed for the ice cream truck parked at the edge of the road near the beach. Loki waited a few seconds then bounded past him, so that it looked like Loki was leading Tony. When Loki reached the truck and saw there were people waiting in front of them he let out some sort of scream. Tony watched as everyone on line shuddered and suddenly decided to be somewhere else. Tony ordered two vanilla ice creams, with one in a cup for Loki. He carried over to a bench and set it down so Loki could reach it.

                “You know, cats don’t make sounds like that,” said Tony. Loki shrugged and daringly licked the ice cream, his eyes almost crossing once it entered his mouth. Tony smiled at his expression then blinked.

                “Hey!” Tony’s ice cream was gone, the cone sat empty on the bench while Loki’s dish now had twice as much ice cream. Tony reached for the dish and Loki met his eyes, smiled maliciously then licked a long disgusting strip across the whole of the ice cream. He even drooled a little. “Ewww.” He wondered if it was worth getting cat or whatever germs to try to get it back, but Loki ate so fast that it was gone within a few seconds anyway. Tony sighed. “Okay. Let’s take a walk and try to figure out why you’re so troubled.” He was getting the same urge to fix Loki that he usually only got around machinery and electronics. They headed down to the ocean’s edge with Tony happily walking in the surf while Loki stayed fastidiously out of the water.

                “Do you have any friends?” asked Tony. “I keep trying to make friends but everybody at the science club is older than me. And everybody at school, well, they just started learning to read!” Tony can’t remember not knowing how to read. It was hard to tell if Loki was listening to him. “We’re friends you know: you, me, and Dummy. Just in case you were lonely before.” Loki had stopped walking and was staring at him, his eyes reflecting the color of the ocean.

                Unfortunately, the ocean chose that moment to surge and a wave stretched farther than usual up the beach, soaking Loki’s paws. Loki let out a screech that surely wasn’t a sound cats were supposed to make, and then the sea turned into red jello. Tony hesitantly tasted the jello around his feet. It was kinda like a salty strawberry flavor. There was a lot of noise from the beach as people stopped staring in shock and started panicking. What made Tony wince was the multiple dead fish that were now half submerged in jello. “We have to get to Steve. Come on!” He ran down the beach, Loki at his heels. Steve was trying to get people to stop panicking and head for a different area of the beach since Loki had only jellied the area around him and not the entire ocean. (Tony hoped that Loki didn’t have the power to jelly the world, but considering cats weren’t supposed to be able to turn anything to jello, he would keep the possibility in mind.) They took shelter behind Steve though Tony detoured to grab Dummy to keep him safe. Eventually the crowd thinned out and Tony was almost positive they were going to get away with it when Steve’s boss strode up.

                Namor was wearing his favorite green speedo, only it was covered in strawberry jello which gave him a festive Christmas look Tony was certain Namor wasn’t happy with it. The other clue was the frown of doom he was making and the spear he was carrying in his hand. “Steven. You are a good lifeguard, but I must ask you to remove that creature from my beach and tender your resignation. I cannot put my subjects in any more risk.”

                “Your subjects?” asked Steve.

                “The fish.”

                “Wait. You’re really are the King of the Sea?” asked Steve. Tony had been telling him that for ages now.

                Namor frowned even more. “Prince.”

                “I knew it!” said Tony.

Steve glared down at him.

“Uhm, Loki’s sorry,” said Tony. Only Loki was happily licking at an abandoned ice cream a few feet from them, and didn’t look sorry at all.

“And since Loki’s a cat, you really shouldn’t be blaming him for the sea turning to jello,” said Steve. He and Namor then had a really long staring contest, so after looking between them a few times, Tony shrugged and went to gather Loki. He was playing with the dials on an abandoned radio. When Loki licked the speaker, the volume on the radio shot up, sending every hair on Loki’s body vibrating and somehow conducting the sound outwards. “Weird,” said Tony. A shadow fell over him. Tony looked up to see Steve, then looked back at Loki who had backed away from the radio and was glaring at it like it had betrayed him.

Steve looked tired. “I need to find a new job or else we’ll be in trouble with Mr. Fury. You’re both going to have to come along.”

 

++++++++

 

                Steve had known it was a bad idea to bring Tony and probably-not-a-cat Loki with him, but he had been sincerely hoping that the ocean turning into strawberry jello was a one time thing, and he had no one to babysit Tony since Bucky was on duty.

                They had all headed to the island’s one and only diner which almost always had a help wanted sign up in their door. Janet had listened to him so sympathetically that Steve hadn’t paid as close attention to Tony and Loki as he should have. The screams about how the food had turned blue and tried to eat them were really all a bit hysterical. It had been a pretty shade of blue at least and the pancakes really had only seemed to be gnawing at people’s hair. Steve paused a moment to reflect on how weird his life was that he couldn’t be shocked by man-eating flapjacks.

                Next, he’d tried the flower shop since they had an ad out for part-time help. He had kept within hearing if not sight of Tony and Loki, and it was a good thing he did.

                “Okay,” had said Tony. “I think we went about it the wrong way in the diner. Doing something good is helping other people, not just making yourself feel better.” It had been hard for Steve to concentrate on filling out the job application. “So something good here would be, I don’t know, making sure the flowers here don’t die or that they water themselves. I could probably come up with something to do the second one actually. Hmmm.” The shop had then gotten a lot more humid and when Steve resignedly turned around, all the flowers were no longer in pots but were attached to the walls by a seething mass of vines. Steve hadn’t bothered to finish filling out the rest of the form.

                And now he was herding them all to the biggest hotel on the island in the hopes that they’d have a job opening. “Tony,” said Steve, then trailed off. It was hard to figure out a polite way of telling a five-year old genius that his new pet seemed to be highly intelligent, mischievous as his name sake, and possibly dangerous. The only thing preventing Steve from getting rid of Loki or at least contacting the government and asking for quarantine was that he was utterly certain that Loki wouldn’t deliberately hurt Tony. The key word was ‘deliberate’ though since if Steve couldn’t find a job because of Loki’s interference, Steve was going to lose Tony.

                “Excuse me,” said a voice to his left. Steve looked over, and then looked up in a way he hadn’t had to do since he took the super soldier serum. The man to his left was dressed in a Hawaiian shirt, and it seemed like all available skin including the man’s face had just been covered in sunscreen. Large sunglasses hid his eyes, and a straw hat covered his head. Next to the giant was a girl a little older than Tony wearing a bright red shirt that said Aloha.

                “Yes?” he said cautiously. He had automatically moved to put Tony, and yes even Loki, in between him and the strangers.

                “That is an unusual animal you have there. I would like to buy it.”

                “Trust me, your daughter wouldn’t be happy,” said Steve. He was tempted, but one look back a defiant Tony and a strangely subdued Loki, had him dismissing the idea.

                “Daughter?” said the girl in a voice that made Steve realize he had made a mistake. “Daughter?! I am-” One of the giant’s hands clamped over the boy’s mouth. Steve heard a snicker from behind him.

                “Sorry. My mistake,” said Steve. “Regardless, your son wouldn’t enjoy Loki either, and he’s not for sale.”

The son pushed the hand off his mouth. “I am not a girl!” The snickering behind Steve turned into full laughter. The giant muttered something Steve couldn’t hear, then grabbed the sleeve of his son’s t-shirt.

                “Come along, son. If you change your mind, we’ll be around.”

                Steve was careful to keep himself right where he was until the pair disappeared. A glance behind him revealed that both Tony and Loki were collapsed on the ground from laughing too hard. “Come on you two.”

 

++++++++++

 

                Tony really wasn’t sure when the day went from “weird” to “okay, I have no idea what is happening,” but he thought if he just stuck to his plan maybe they would get through things. His plan to make Loki into a better person, er, cat, uhm, thingy did seem to be working a little. It was better to make things grow than die, though one of the flowers seemed to be eating a small dog when they ran out of the shop so maybe not? Tony was convinced that Loki couldn’t be all bad, but it was hard to prove it when Loki himself seemed convinced of his evilness.

                He glanced at Loki who was looking a lot more relaxed after seeing that boy get mistaken for a girl. “Okay. Let’s try this again.” There was an older woman sitting on one of the ornate couches nearby. “She looks lonely. Why don’t you go up to her and let her pet you?” Loki gave him a disdainful look that actually did make him look more like a cat for a moment. Tony pouted. “Fine, you think of a way to make her feel better. I bet you can’t!”

                With a swish of his blue tail, Loki stalked right up to the woman. She glanced down at him and it was like her eyes were caught. Then Loki tossed back his head and let out a cry that sent a shiver through every person in the hotel. The marble floor rent open with a giant cracking noise sending green light spilling over the ceiling. People were screaming, and they continued screaming and running away when a skeleton pulled itself out of the crack. The old woman was frozen in terror. The skeleton took a step towards her, muscles and organs forming before their very eyes. Another step and skin covered the body to reveal an elderly man.

                Steve rushed over to snatch up Tony at that point, which he was rather glad about since the muscles and organs had been cool, but now he really wanted the old man to put some clothes on. The elderly woman was crying and hugging the man, and the crack had disappeared.

                Loki was at Tony’s feet looking pleased. And then Steve picked Tony up and headed for the exit. “Steve!” said Tony, annoyed at how tightly he was being held. Steve carried them around the corner of the building away from the people who had fled the hotel a few minutes before.

                “Tony,” said Steve. “Not only did your cat just raise the dead, but he also lost me my last chance of finding a job. I don’t want to lose you, Tony, and if it’s a choice between losing you and Loki. Loki’s got to go.”

                “Nooo!” Tony squirmed around until he was looking up at Steve’s face. “You can’t! Loki’s making progress. Sure, it was kinda creepy, but that was a nice thing he did. I think he doesn’t know or maybe he’s forgotten what being good is, but we can rehabitate him.”

                “Rehabilitate,” corrected Steve. “And that’s not our job, Tony.”

                “Then whose job is it? He’s special and they won’t understand him.” _Like me_.

                “Maybe the government would-“

                “No! Loki is family. We can’t give him to the government. What about ‘o’hana’?” Tony had learnt about o’hana in school and he liked it so much he had taught Steve about it. They were o’hana. And now Loki was o’hana.

                “We’ve only had him a day,” said Steve, but Tony could see that he was wavering.

                “You wouldn’t abandon me just because I was bad, would you?”

                Steve sighed. “Fine, but if he puts us in danger at any point, Loki is gone.” He turned to stare down at Loki. “You hear me?” He put Tony down. Loki was starring at them both as if they were strange creatures from another planet, but gave a meow which might have been a yes.

 

++++++++

 

                “What do you see, Heimdall?” asked Odin.

                Heimdall debated what to answer. Should he mention that Thor and Helblindi were somewhat incompetent? That Loki liked ice cream? That Midgard had gotten a lot weirder since the last time the Aesir turned their attention to it?

                “Helblindi and Thor are hampered by the laws protecting the people of Midgard. Loki does largely what he pleases.”

                “This will not do. Heimdall, would you retrieve my son for me?” Odin asked.

                Heimdall suspected that this would not end well, but he was one of the few Aesir capable of outwitting Loki and not being killed by the power of the cosmic cube. “I will.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

                The fear had come back. It went unacknowledged until he saw the frost giant and Thor, but now it was at the forefront of his mind. Trying to satisfy Tony’s futile requests for ‘goodness’ had kept it at bay, but now it was night, and those fears he had thought were banished forever by the cube danced in his head. With a snarl, he pulled out of the nest of blankets and pillows that served as his bed and stalked over to the book shelf. Most were useless and childish, but one title caught his eye. “ _The Ugly Duckling_ ,” he read out loud before clamping his jaws shut and stealing a guilty glance at Tony. Then he shook his head in annoyance. Why should be feel guilt? Had he not razed the nine realms? Had he not killed his blood father in the futile hope that it would make him feel better? He hissed angrily and dragged the book a few feet before giving up and teleporting right on top of Tony.

                “Ugh,” said Tony, instinctively pushing the paw digging into his stomach away. He opened his eyes. “What is it?”

                Loki nudged the book towards him. He wanted to know why anyone would write about someone ugly. _Someone like him_.

                “Oh, _The Ugly Duckling_.” Tony yawned, but sat up and opened the book on his lap, tilting it so they both could see it. “See, all the other ducks think this duckling is ugly because he doesn’t look like them.” He turned a few pages. “He runs away, and is all alone until another family finds him, only they’re swans and since he’s really a swan, they think he’s not ugly at all.” Tony reached out and rubbed the top of Loki’s head, scratching around the horns. It felt nice, though Loki choked down his natural purring response before it could start.

“I think you lost your family just like I did,” said Tony. “It makes you real angry and sad. But you can make a new family. That’s what o’hana means. You can join Steve and I and be whatever you want.” Loki jerked his head away. “Or you can leave too, if that’s what you want. ” Tony twisted to touch the man in the picture above his bed. “Not everyone stays,” he whispered. Tony hand slipped from the picture, and his head hit the pillow. His eyes blinked, once, then twice before staying shut.

 _Mortals require far too much sleep._ Loki turned his attention back to the book. He didn’t know what he was feeling. He was like the ugly duckling, only he was not really a beautiful swan, but a monster. And he didn’t want to leave, but he also thought he should before Tony got hurt. It must be the monster in him that made Loki so good at hurting people. Despite Tony’s insistence that they were family, Steve had made it clear he wouldn’t tolerate Tony getting hurt. This “o’hana” seemed a similar trick to Odin’s profession of love for his pawn of a second son.

                Loki climbed off the bed, and stopped in the middle of the room staring at the mocking image of the ugly duckling becoming a swan. The book crumbled to ashes under his paws. It was too much. He teleported himself outside and began to run.

 

++++++++

 

                Helblindi woke Thor with a rough shake to the shoulder. “Loki has left the safe confines of his domicile. We must make haste.”

                All thoughts of sleep disappeared. Thor pulled on his cloak which he had been using as a blanket and strapped on his sword. “Where?”

                Helblindli grinned, and Thor refused to admit that it was a bit frightening to see. “We follow the snow!” Helblindi said before running off into the dark jungle. Thor went after him as quickly as he could, jumping over tree roots and rocks that Helblindi bounded over with ease. Snow was indeed falling, though it melted when it hit the ground. They ground to halt, with Helblindi putting out a massive hand that Thor almost ran into.

               Loki was curled up under a tree in a clearing ahead of them, a thin dusting of snow on his fur. Thor rushed forward, and went to grab Loki but he went right through his brother’s cat form and hit the tree with a muffled clang. A few leaves spiraled down around him. He shook his head, hand reaching up to check the helmet for dents before turning to the scuffle behind him.

                “Got you, little brother!” crowed Helblindi. He was holding up a fine golden net with Loki’s thrashing form inside.

                “I am not your brother!” hissed Loki.

                Helblindi poked a finger through the net to touch Loki’s fur. “Were you not Jotun, your skin would have burned. And those marks on your skin are the marks of the line of Laufey. Well done on killing him by the way.”

                “I will kill you too!”

                Helblindi nodded. “It is in your nature now that you have absorbed the cosmic cube, and maybe before too.”

                “I’m a monster.”

                “Brother, no!” cried Thor, unable to keep silent any longer. “We were wrong. Jotun are not monsters. Helblindi is annoying, but he is very much like you or I only blue and large.”

                “I’m blue too!”

                “It is a very pretty blue?” offered Thor. This was a much deeper conversation than he’d ever had with his brother. They usually discussed how to get extra desert at dinner, and whether they would ever be allowed out of the nursery to play with the big boys.

                Loki let out a wail, then he seemed to shrink. The net fell to the ground, its golden threads turned grey. Loki was gone.

                Helblindi sighed. “If he were closer to sane, I would let him take the throne. A clever, powerful king who can break out of a binding net at such a young age would be a blessing to Jotunheim.”

                Thor kicked him in the leg, then bit back his cry of pain. His toes hurt. “You can’t have him. He is my brother, a prince of Asgard.”

                “A prince who will be locked away for all eternity should we catch him here.”

                Thor thought back to the past couple of days. They had told him Loki was insane, but he seemed merely erratic, like when father’s warriors had too much mead and did silly things. And all he could think about this last conversation with him was that Loki seemed to be in a lot of pain.

                “I will change Father’s mind. I swear it,” Thor said. It was a daunting task. “But before I can do that we must capture him. Let us return to the house of Rogers.”

                Helblindi patted Thor on the head which made him wince when the hand hit the bruise from his encounter with the tree a few minutes ago. “You are a good brother, little one.”

                They set a fast pace through the trees, but before they came in sight of the house there was the telltale sound of the bifrost. Both ran faster. They burst out of the trees to see the front porch and wall of the house lying in splinters and the pattern of the bifrost written in the sand and road in front of the house. Tony stood in the living room, staring in disbelief at the pattern.

                “Who was it? Where did they take Loki?” demanded Thor.

                “It was Heimdall, and he took Loki no where.” Tony’s form flickered and then there was Loki in his normal form, though the blue skin, horns, and markings remained. His eyes were cycling between red and purple as if they could not decide which color was correct. “I took Tony’s form just to fool him for a second, but Tony did not hesitate at protecting me.” Loki took a deep breath. “Why would he do that?”

                Thor was happy his brother had asked a question he could answer. “You are friends, Loki. Friends protect each other just like family.”

                “You are not here to protect me, Thor, but to capture me,” sneered Loki, his hands clenched in fists.

                Thor was distracted from his brother’s statement by a strange phenomena. “What manner of creature makes so many red dots on your person, brother?” A second later, Helblindi was hunched around them both.

                “Freeze!” said a voice behind them. Helblindi chuckled, and Thor smiled after a moment, catching the joke; it was a silly command to give to a frost giant. He thought Helblindi would act then, but he simply remained in place.

                “Why do you not attack?” hissed Thor. “They are too primitive to be equipped for frost giants.”

                “First, little brother, attacking with all my strength would freeze you as well and secondly, I am something of an expert on Midgardian culture due to their strange habit of broadcasting their lives to the cosmos, and I assure you that in your lifetime, they have made advances which may well stop a frost giant.” Behind them, there was a lot of shouting and arguing, but it didn’t seem to be directed at them.

                “You are clearly talking to Thor but you call him ‘little brother’,” said Loki. He was looking between them with confusion.

“We have not been properly introduced, but I am your elder brother, Helblindi. Thor tells me that since you are still his brother, and I am your brother then I am his brother as well.”

“Father has Jotun blood too so we’re all related in some way,” said Thor cheerfully. Loki looked stunned, his red eyes wide. “I have vowed to make Father change his mind about your sentence. I do not know what happened after your birthday, but Midgard has been good for you, and I do not want to lose you.”

“I’m authorized to inform you,” said a voice to their left with an air of a man quoting someone else, “that this is a touching heart to heart, but you’d be advised pay attention to your surroundings a little more.” The man was in severe black and white clothing, and appeared to have no weapons.

“Who are you?” asked Thor.

“I’m Agent Coulson. If you’ll follow me, perhaps we can sort out why two Jotun and an Aesir are on our planet.”

                “I would have your word that you won’t attack us,” demanded Helblindi.

                Coulson nodded. “If you will do the same.”

                “I swear on my ice we will not attack you unless attacked ourselves,” said Helblindi.

                “Shield will not attack you unless it is clear you threaten our agents or the welfare of this planet. This way.”

                Helblindi stood up again which allowed Thor and Loki a view between his legs. Standing in front of a black, armored vehicle was Tony’s guardian, Steve, and a man with an eye patch who Thor automatically assumed was in charge. At the sight of Steve, Loki began to drag his feet, so Thor grabbed his hand and pulled him along behind them. They all halted in front of the two men.

                Steve starred hard at Loki. “You’re Loki, right?”

                “Yes.”

                “Where’s Tony?” Something broke in the man’s voice as he asked the question, and Loki’s hand nearly jerked out of Thor’s grasp.

                “Peace, friend Rogers,” said Thor. “He has been taken by Heimdall, but they will have no reason to harm him once the deception is discovered.”

                “Taken where?” demanded Steve.

                Thor opened his mouth to respond, but before he could both the Son of Coul and the one-eyed man spoke. “That’s classified.”

                “You’re not a social worker, Fury,” said Steve to the one-eyed man.

                “Actually, I am. I retired from… my other line of work. Fortunately, it was only filed as a long vacation,” said the man, casting a side long glance at the Son of Coul. “As I was trying to tell you before, when Tony called, my “vacationing” status meant I was able to call up the assets required to deal with this problem.” Steve seemed to calm some.

                “It is very likely that Tony will be returned any moment,” added the Son of Coul helpfully.

                “And will I be allowed to keep him?” asked Steve, turning to Fury.

                “Seeing as you just joined a special Shield task force which makes you employed, and it’s hardly your fault that aliens attacked your house, yes,” said Fury.

                “I wasn’t here,” said Steve. “I should have made Bucky stay with Tony.”

                “It wouldn’t have made a difference against Heimdall,” said Helblindi.

                “O’hana,” said Loki in a quiet voice. He pushed past Helblindi to stand in front of Steve, his head bowed. “Tony was protecting me because of o’hana. I’m sorry. He… he shouldn’t have. You didn’t want him hurt.”

                Steve was looking at Loki as if he’d never seen him before, which Thor reflected was probably true until a few moments ago. Steve crouched down so his head was level with Loki’s. “Loki. Look at me. I know we’ve only had you for a few days, but you are part of our family. And if I’d known you were Tony’s age, I would never have given you such a responsibility.”

                “I guess by Midgardian standards they are about the same age,” mused Helblindi.

                Steve turned his attention to Helblindi. “And why do you want Loki?”

                “He’s my brother,” responded Thor.

                “He is mine as well,” said Helblindi. “But the reason we were sent here was to retrieve Loki. He has committed many crimes and ran away before the sentence could be carried out.” Steve looked horrified. “He is to be imprisoned, not executed.”

                “A five year old?” wondered Steve. “You send five year olds to jail? What is wrong with you people?”

                Helblindi tilted his head in thought. “That is a very good question. There are no laws protecting children on Jotunheim or Asgard, but the majority of the other realms do have them. The crimes he was charged with in those realms should not count, and Jotunheim rejoiced when he killed Laufey.”

                “So only the crimes committed on Asgard are valid,” said Thor. He was vibrating with excitement. “This is great, Loki.”

                “Do you truly think Fa- Odin will forgive me?” asked Loki, a look of scorn on his face.  He opened his mouth to say more, but then the sky above their heads rumbled, and the forest next to the house disappeared in a flash. When the light faded, Father, Heimdall, and Tony stood on the perfect circle that now cut into the remaining jungle.

                “Tony!” Steve _ran_ and had Tony in his arms and away from the bifrost imprint in seconds. Beside Thor, Loki let out an audible sigh of relief. On their other side, Helblindi held out one huge slab of a hand to Loki. “Come, little brothers.” Thor held his breath until Loki took Helblindi’s hand. He took Loki’s free hand in his own and they all approached Odin together.

                Father and Heimdall looked intimidating, and Thor was glad he wasn’t alone facing that look. That is until Odin looked behind the three of them. “Director Fury,” said Odin. “I greet you, and offer my apologies for Asgard’s interference in Migard.”

                Fury grunted. “We’ll discuss it after you deal with your children.” Odin nodded.

                “Loki,” said Odin.

                “Father, wait,” interjected Thor. He was too nervous to wait. “Helblindi has realized the sentencing was unjust.”

                Odin gestured for him to be silent. “Heimdall has relayed Helblindi’s idea. It is true I could push to absolve Loki of guilt in most of the realms, but he still holds the power of the cosmic cube.” He stared at Loki. “Your eyes are red now, but can you assure me they will stay that way?”

                Loki shook his head ‘no’.

                “Without his powers capped the madness could take him again.”

                “If that’s the only problem, the Casket of Ancient Winters should be able to do it. It was made with a shard from the cosmic cube after all,” said Helblindi. Everyone stared at him. “What?”

                “They thought you were stupid ‘cause you're big,” pointed out Tony. He and Steve had come up behind Helblindi, Thor, and Loki.

                “Stupid sons of Laufey do not survive,” said Helblindi with a shrug.

                Father looked… relieved. Thor squeezed his brother’s hand in reassurance. Odin turned to Heimdall. “Fetch the casket at once. The Queen will aid you.”

                “Your mom was there when we got off the bifrost. Groovy ride, by the way. I think your Dad’s been sleeping on the couch,” whispered Tony. “Also, nice to see you in people form, Loki.”

                “What does ‘sleeping on the couch’ mean?” demanded Loki before Thor could.

                “It means,” said Steve, “that your mother probably isn’t happy with your father for how he’s been handling this situation.”

                “Oh,” said Thor. “Why did you not speak it plainly?”

                “Says the guy who sounds like he’s quoting Shakespeare,” said Tony.

                “Enough,” said Father. Thor guiltily turned back to look at him and realized he’d heard the entire conversation.

                “Loki, my son- ”

                “I’m not your son,” interrupted Loki.

                “You are,” said Father. “Had I cared what you looked like or who your blood father was, I would have left you on Jotunheim. But your cries moved me, and when I held you in my arms, I felt the same love for you I felt when I held Thor for the very first time. You are my son. And your friend is indeed correct. Your mother has been very cross with me for denying you for even a moment.”

                Loki was crying, and Thor felt helpless.

                “Geez,” said Tony. He pushed out of Steve’s arms, and threw his arms around one side of Loki. Thor moved next, allowing Loki to bury his crying face against his neck. It was quite cold for a second but then the sensation faded. Odin approached, his armor making a noise both Thor and Loki were intimately familiar with. He laid one hand on Loki’s head. After a long moment, Loki pulled away, tilting his head up to look at Odin. Thor was startled because Loki’s skin was pale, his eyes green and the horns gone. Loki noticed after a moment as well and held out his hand to stare at.

                “You are a natural shapeshifter,” Odin reminded him.

                “I was stuck,” whispered Loki. “Are you like the swans who will want me now that I look like you?”

                “Huh?” was all Thor could say.

                Tony, however, flicked a finger against the skin below Loki’s ear. “Oww,” said Loki, rubbing the spot.

                “Loki, they know what you look like. Your dad doesn’t care and your brother doesn’t care. You probably look pretty weird to the big guy here too,” said Tony.

                Helblindi nodded. “It’s a strange form, though you don’t look at ugly as Thor.”

                “Hey!” said Thor.

                “And Steve and I took you in even though you were blue and a cat so we don’t care either.” Tony pushed in front of Loki to stare up at Odin. “And we’re his family too!”

                The bifrost opened again. Heimdall approached with the Casket of Ancient Winters. Odin took it from him and after a moment of hesitation, handed it to Helblindi, who smiled widely. “You might want to stand back,” he advised them, so Thor and the others reluctantly left Loki standing alone. Helblindi opened the casket, his eyes focused solely on something inside of it. After a moment, an icy blue tendril of magic curled out of the casket. It wound like a snake around Loki, turning him blue and sending him to his knees. Thor would have run to him had not Father taken a grip on his arm.

                After a long moment, the magic untangled itself from around Loki, seeming much longer and brighter than a few seconds before. It slunk back into the casket which grew larger in Helblindi’s now shaking hands. Loki collapsed onto his hands, and Thor raced Father to Loki’s side. Loki put out a hand that made them stop before him, and raised himself on shaky legs. He held out his blue hand and it changed into his Aesir form, then cycled through red skin, a bird’s wing, and a cat’s paw. Thor wiped away a tear he hadn’t meant to shed at the look of joy on Loki’s face at the accomplishment.

                Father embraced Loki, then tilted his head up to stare into his eyes for a long moment. “You will have to be careful, my son. You already had much magical potential, and now it is overflowing. But I believe the threat of the maliciousness of the cube is gone. You’re exile is rescinded, and your punishment for your crimes on Asgard is to put your magical talents to use extending the bifrost. That should use up the excess magical energy for a time and will satisfy the other realms.”

                Father didn’t let Loki go as he turned to Helblindi. “As the new king of Jotunheim, I would like to offer you a new treaty involving the return of the Casket of Ancient Winters.”

                “I had not planned on taking the crown, but I will providing Loki will agree to kill me when he comes of age and take it from me,” said Helblindi.

                Loki bit his lip. “Can I fake your death?”

                Helblindi laughed. “You have my permission, clever one.” He turned his attention to Odin. “Part of the treaty will be regular visits from my little brothers – both of them.” He winked at Thor.

                “And part of your treaty with me, Tony, son of Stark, will be that Loki visits us here on Midgard too!” Tony was very brave to stand before the Allfather so defiantly. Odin looked over at Fury and the Son of Coul who had been watching the proceedings with interest.

                “It has not been long as we see such things, but perhaps some addendums can be made to the Migardian treaty,” said Odin.

                “You destroyed our house too,” said Tony.

                “Jesus,” said Steve and clamped one hand over Tony’s mouth.

                “Your son is right. We owe you a debt, and not just for the house. I will send architects to rebuild your lodging, and there is a shield in my armory that would suit you well, I believe.”

                “Thank you,” said Steve. They continued on to discuss details of something called ‘playdates’.

                Loki finally got tired of Odin’s embrace and wriggled away. He and Tony headed over to the destroyed porch, and Thor followed, a little jealous that Loki had found such a good friend.

                “So, you will come back, right?” asked Tony. “’Cause I already told everyone I have a cat… Hey!” Loki had poked Tony in the side. Loki smiled as Tony smoothed his shirt back into place. It had a pattern of AC lightening bolt DC on it which Thor found very appealing.

                “I don’t abandon my friends,” said Loki. “Which is why I have this.” He reached into the air and pulled out some sort of thing made of metal. It moved its tiny head around, though it had no eyes that Thor could see.

                “Dummy!” Tony grabbed the metal creature. “Forget friends, we’re going to be BFFs.” He glanced around to make sure the adults weren’t looking at them. “Let’s sneak around the back so we can go up to my room. I can’t let you or your brother leave Earth without introducing you to the wonders of AC/DC.”

                And that is how a new treaty with Midgard was negotiated to the strains of Thunderstruck.

 

++++++

 

Other things that also happened in the future:

 

                Tony has been named a friend of Jotunheim ever since he set up a TV to withstand extreme cold while Loki charmed it to receive cable.

Thor blew out the amps at an AC/DC concert and is banned from their concerts for life.

Hawaii is now inhabited by a species of giant frog which are all bright blue. No one is sure where they came from or what they eat, but they are often seen in the company of stray cats.

Helblindi (and by association, Jotunheim) became addicted to Game of Thrones. They think Tony’s last name is the height of wit. Steve put his foot down when they gave him an actual direwolf pup.

                Bruce finished his Phd and went on to become a professor far away from Hawaii. He still sends Tony experiments to try. Tony is convinced that someday he and Bruce will use science to save the world.

                Tony and Loki eventually made friends with Rhodey. They’ve sworn a pact never to reveal the day when the three of them met a red-headed girl on a beach named Pepper and spent hours building the perfect sandcastle to her exacting specifications.

                Bucky has been banned from babysitting Tony and Loki ever since the Pie Incident. He maintains that this is for the best since all he really wanted to do was take Steve out for drinks anyway.

                Loki and Thor snuck Tony into Asgard once and only once. Years later, they’re still finding piles of glitter in unused parts of Odin’s Hall.

                Agent Coulson has been the designated babysitter ever since Loki and Tony independently concluded that he was a lost ruler of Vanaheim. This makes them surprisingly well behaved for him, but Fury is beginning to look at him suspiciously.

                In order to improve the bifrost, Loki had to first understand how it was constructed and worked. Jotunheim will not be a backwater for long after he becomes king.

                Once a year, no matter where he is, Namor awakens to find a bowl of strawberry jello next to his bed.

 

The End.

* * *

Art that inspired me while writing:

[Loki Stich](http://th02.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/127/5/8/loki_stitch_mothers_day_by_seamstressworks-d4yu4l2.jpg) by seamstressworks.  
[This is Your Badness Level](http://oblidat.tumblr.com/post/26071114290) by anon.  
[Ohana](http://also-also.tumblr.com/post/13231061021/stupid-feelings) by also-also.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. If you'd like to know anything else about the future of these characters that the montage didn't cover, feel free to ask and I'll answer in the comments:)


End file.
